The write thing at the right time.

The day after Keith's Funeral I was having a rough day. Here is an excerpt form my blog of how my Daughter Emma lifted my spirits on a very difficult day.

Today has been a difficult day. I started teaching the kids today and it did not go really well. I went shopping after Amy came home and started crying about three times in the five minutes I was in the store. Purchasing refried beans usually does not have that effect on me. Keith has been on my mind all day.When I got back in the house I started crying again. Emma was finishing a writing assignment that Amy gave her last week. She asked me what was the matter and I said that I wasn't feeling very well today. She handed me her finished assignment and said "here, I hope this makes you feel better." It really did! She gave me permission to share it here.

My Dad! By Emma R

A man like Dad is hard to find. If you looked for someone like him in a 1,000,000 men, not one would be just like him. That is because my dad is the best dad in the world! But not the best father. Just kidding!

That is because he is silly, helpful, kind, nice, funny, and crazy! He likes to say "llama". Once he said I'll give you 5 cents for every time I say llama!" Boy! Did we get a lot of money!
We used to get 50 cents for allowance. Now we get $2.00! He even lets me be paid for some jobs.

He always prays for Lucy and sometimes lays down with her. He loves playing games with us!
When Lucy has sticker time, he lets her choose. When she has computer time, he does exactly what she wants. He makes Lucy's school fun. He takes our neighbor to the store, because she does not have a car.

He used to visit our uncle at the hospital. In conclusion, my dad is the best dad in the world because he is nice, kind and crazy.

I just gave a eulogy yesterday. The problem with a eulogy is that the person you want to tell all these great things about is not there to hear them. Emma's paper seemed like a eulogy that I was able to receive.

The International Impact of Keith Part I

This memory comes from Rosie Button, a British friend of mine who like many of my friends stayed with my folks for a few days (because of my folks great kindness and also proximity to O'hare.)

I remember meeting Keith on my first ever night in the US, in 1997. Dan and I stayed w your parents in Chicago, right after I flew in, and he was around. When we were leaving early the next morning, he was out in the street, fixing the windshield wipers on his car, in his dressing-gown. He remains one of my first American memories. We are sorry for your loss.

A Summertime remembrance

My sister Bonnie wanted to share this memory of Keith . . .

Growing up, in the summer, Keith and I would always spend our days together...We would eat breakfast together and then sometimes for lunch he would ride his bike to the store and buy us lunch...Then we would watch "The Great Space Coaster" together followed by a show called "Today's Special" on Nickelodeon...After that, we'd walk to the pool, spend the day hanging out, and then go home....We'd do this every day during the summer....

Memories from the Funeral Part I

My Dad drives the bus for the parochial school that all his children attended. My 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Molick is now the Principal of the School. At Keith's funeral, the entire student body attended. Generally, this is not done. The students who knew the deceased or perhaps the class of the deceased relative will attend the funeral. But there they were the entire student population of Queen of the Rosary was on hand mostly out of the respect the students and faculty have for my Dad. Their attendance meant a great deal to Him and to our whole family.

Amy Remembers Keith Part I

Amy has chimed in with a few remembrances of my brother, here is the first . . .

Keith loved his kids. He never considered it stepping down when he had to get on the floor and do a puzzle with the kids. He loved games as well and would fully engage in whatever he was doing with one of his kids. He loved reading to them, playing games with them, taking them to the park, etc. Keith loved his kids.

Keith, Nikki, Bonnie play Backgammon part III

Last Time: Nikki was sharing her interior monologue over the prospect of a backgammon tutorial with Keith.

Before I had a chance to bail, the game board was all set up and the practical portion of the lesson had begun in earnest. As we began playing, I didn’t understand half of Keith’s continuing instructions – the basic rules and strategy were just too much. And my God, all the numbers. And the points. And counting how far you could or could not move your checkers. He might as well have been speaking Klingon.

When I look back on this memory I can’t believe I exposed myself to such a risky situation (playing a new game that I didn’t understand in front of people I didn’t know very well). But Bonnie was gentle and reassuring, and Keith was completely disarming in that warm, welcoming, affable way that, at least in my experience, is a bit of a Roller trademark. His over-the-top goofball nature didn’t hurt, either.

I don’t think the tutorial was ultimately successful – at least not in the conventional sense. The prize for this game would take a different form: the unconditional openhearted camaraderie of her two cousins had provoked a shy little girl to let down her guard and just “be,” at least for a couple of hours.

I couldn’t have appreciated the specialness of this moment at that young age. But I fully understand its significance now. Sure, this memory provides a perspective on my own growth. But more importantly, my experience with Keith and Bonnie on that day honors what I believe is the essence of what it means to be a Roller: to live the spirit of “goodwill toward men” with such ease that it is as automatic and involuntary as breathing.

It would be easy to take this singular quality for granted; it is subtle and pervasive like clear air. (For the members of the Roller family, it also is enduring and graceful like strong faith.) As I grow older though, I find that this brand of kindness, which is unmitigated and unprovoked, is not something I run into very often in the real world. So I have great reverence for it when I do.

As we enter the season of Thanksgiving during a year that has brought many disappointments and many challenges for many people I care about, this standard of kindness seems particularly relevant and extraordinary to me. And therefore it seems like the perfect time to give a little bit of that love back by taking the time to say:

Thanks, Keith and Bonnie for playing Backgammon with me. Thanks to all of the Roller Family for being who you are.

Love, Nikki Roller