4 Weddings and a funeral, Part I

The FAQS of Life: My life in Frequently Asked Question Format
Today's Topic: 4 Weddings and a Funeral

Nothing brings a family together like a wedding. Except maybe a funeral. With the recent passing of my brother, Keith, I have decided to share a little about his funeral as well as his wedding, my wedding and the weddings of my two other married siblings. Today we will talk about my sister Kathy's wedding.

Q: Who was the first of your brothers and sisters to tie the knot?
A: I am pretty sure that it was me. It may have been my brother Chris; we were both in scouting at about the same time. I was a tad uncoordinated, so maybe him.
Q: I mean who was the first of you to get married?
A: Oh, sorry that would be my sister, Kathy. September 1, 1991. She married Andy.
Q: How did they meet?
A: Kathy met Andy at their 5 year Notre Dame reunion. They had not known each other previously, which how they were able to "meet". It turns out my father and Andy's had been Notre Dame classmates as well and had planned the whole thing out in the student union their sophomore year. All right that part is made up. But they did know each other.
Q: What was the significance of this wedding? A: Kathy moved to Virginia with Andy after the wedding so this was the last time the 5 of us would live in the same state.
Q: Was Amy involved in the wedding? A: Amy did not attend this wedding, as we were just college friends at the time, but her car did. Amy lent me her car so I could drive up for the wedding.
Q: What do you remember most about the wedding?
A: Like many young women, Kathy had been planning aspects of her wedding for years. But what was unusual, is that what Kathy had been planning was the music she would play at the reception. I think she had about 5 hours of must play songs. The song I remember the most was "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll."
Q: Before I ask my next question could you tell me what a smile and nod moment is?
A: Smile and nod refers to what our family does when one of our family members is acting kind of unusual. People tend to smile and nod at myself or my brothers and sisters and some of our cousins.
Q: Were there any smile and nod moments you recall from Kathy's wedding?
A: There were. My sister was the 2nd oldest of 29 grandchildren. The oldest grandchild came to the wedding wearing a very nice Indiana Jones hat.
Q: So you smiled and nodded when you saw him in the hat?
A: We smiled and nodded when he told us very proudly that he had sold his blood plasma in order to purchase the hat.
Q: Interesting. Where do I go after that?
A: Ask me what's coming up next time.
Q: What's coming up next time?
A: Next Time: An Open Letter to the Guy Behind Me.

Putting the fun back in funeral

Three Things Thursday time. Here is what I have for you today.

1. During the wake and funeral for my brother I was constantly remembering one of his favorite episodes from Night Court, one of his favorite television programs. The episode featured an undertaker with a warped sense of humor. His goal was to put "fun" back in funeral. Among his tricks of the trade he would put bumper stickers on the casket that said things like "My other car's a hearse" or "I'd rather be breathing."

2. I gave the eulogy Tuesday at Keith's funeral. I'd like to share to the best of my memory my remarks, and yes I did call the Catholic Priest "Pastor Ed". Keith's service was at the Catholic Church my family attended when we were growing up. My parents still go there and my Dad drives the bus for the churches elementary school. The entire student body came to the funeral.


Here is what I said ...


"On behalf of Lynn and her children, my parents and my brothers and sisters I'd like to welcome you to the Illinois regional Jeopardy auditions. (wait for laughter to subside) Keith and the rest of our family grew up at this church. The first funeral I recall attending was here. It was for the father of a school and scouting friend of Chris and mine. After the service, my dad approached the widow and said "38 is much too young to go."

Now, I was about 10, and like maybe many of you, (motioning to the students) 38 did not seem young to me at all. But let me tell you, 38 is much too young (Keith was 38 when he died). When you love somebody whenever they die it is always much too soon.

Many people who knew Keith only by his diagnosis (bi-polar disorder) might think that there were two Keith's. That was so untrue. There was only one Keith. He had a greater capacity for love and enjoyment than anyone I ever knew. He loved his family. He loved playing games and he loved jokes. He was active in his children's schooling and scouting. (I meant to talk briefly how he loved chess and how he was helping my son Charlie with his chess class on their last visit together a week before he died. I didn't get to that part. I also wanted to talk specifically about how much he loved his wife Lynn, missed that as well). He was logical to the point of being obnoxious or perhaps for the purpose of being obnoxious. He'd be at a a party at my house and I'd say "Keith there's Pepsi in the cooler if you want one." And he'd say "Actually, there's Pepsi in the cooler even if I don't want one."

Keith's passing has left many of us with the same question. A question my daughter Emma has asked many times this week. "Daddy, why did Uncle Keith have to die?" I don't think it was any coincidence that Keith died during Holy Week. During the same time that many of you were celebrating the stations of the cross and asking "Why did Jesus have to die?" Pastor Ed you are right Keith is not asking those questions now. Keith understood the hope of the resurrection and He is in heaven right now with his Savior.

During the past 3 years during the course of his illness, (Keith had heart and kidney ailments) many people have stopped me and asked me "How is Keith? How is your brother doing?" Keith is doing great. He is doing better than we can even imagine.


3. Yesterday the day after the funeral, I decided to seek comfort in comfort food. It is one of those foods that I enjoy making as much as I do eating. There is a food product at the Mexican grocery store near my house called duros or wheels. They are like a meatless pork rind. For $1.50 you can get a large bag of them prepared. But for about $2.00 you can buy a bag of them uncooked that makes 8-10 times the large bag. Not quite enough for Frugal Friday, but still fun on a budget. All of my children like to eat or prepare the treat.

Here is what they look like uncooked . . .









Here is what one looks like after being cooked in hot oil . . . You will notice it's in the same bowl.



So there's my 3 things combining fun, funeral and food. To see more three things this Thursday go to Psalm 104:24


Next Time: 4 Weddings and a Funeral.

The write thing at the right time.

Today has been a difficult day. I started teaching the kids today and it did not go really well. I went shopping after Amy came home and started crying about three times in the five minutes I was in the store. Purchasing refried beans usually does not have that effect on me. Keith has been on my mind all day.

When I got back in the house I started crying again. Emma was finishing a writing assignment that Amy gave her last week. She asked me what was the matter and I said that I wasn't feeling very well today. She handed me her finished assignment and said "here, I hope this makes you feel better." It really did! She gave me permission to share it here.

My Dad! By Emma R

A man like Dad is hard to find. If you looked for someone like him in a 1,000,000 men, not one would be just like him. That is because my dad is the best dad in the world! But not the best father. Just kidding!

That is because he is silly, helpful, kind, nice, funny, and crazy! He likes to say "llama". Once he said I'll give you 5 cents for every time I say llama!" Boy! Did we get a lot of money!

We used to get 50 cents for allowance. Now we get $2.00! He even lets me be paid for some jobs. He always prays for Lucy and sometimes lays down with her. He loves playing games with us!

When Lucy has sticker time, he lets her choose. When she has computer time, he does exactly what she wants. He makes Lucy's school fun. He takes our neighbor to the store, because she does not have a car.

He used to visit our uncle at the hospital. In conclusion, my dad is the best dad in the world because he is nice, kind and crazy.

I just gave a eulogy yesterday. The problem with a eulogy is that the person you want to tell all these great things about is not there to hear them. Emma's paper seemed like a eulogy that I was able to receive.

Next Time: Putting the fun back in funeral.

Let's go fly a kite!

This morning Charlie and Lucy were keen to try out their new kites. I was more keen to stay home and mope around as I have the past two days. Kite flying won, and the three of us went out into the brisk windy day. Lucy with her Barbie kite and Charlie with his Air Force fliers. Charlie had his flying in no time. Lucy was a different story. It was too cold for her delicate sensibilities. I took her home, where she told me she'd like to fly the kite next time when it's not windy. Somebody needs a science lesson.

I returned to find Charlie mastering the art of kite flying. We made a fine morning of it. We even got a chance to let him start to process through the feelings of losing his uncle. I'm not processing nearly as well.

Perhaps, I should be less the catharsis smatharsis guy I have bragged about being here and use this blog as a place to sort out my feelings. I'm not sure that's who I am even now when a little catharsis could go a long way. These pages are about my family. Loving my wife and children. Training them in righteousness. Rejoicing in the good times. Even lamenting in the bad. So, I will just take things as they come here. If my grieving comes out here, so be it. If it doesn't, I will find a suitable place for it.

Keith always took an active interest in my family. Our children did quite a bit together and Keith was a big part of that. During one of his last hospital stays, I was able to use this blog to show him how Charlie and Emma were biking without training wheels. Now there is one small way I can use this blog in memory of him . My brother and I, along with the rest of our family, were often throwing movie quotes around. As an homage to him I am going to begin titling as many posts as I can with movie titles or quotes.

With that in mind ... Soon: 4 Weddings and a Funeral

Next Time: The write thing at the right time.

Three Things Thursday

Here are my 3 things for Thursday April 9, 2009:

1. Prayer update: Continue to pray for my family on the loss of my brother. The wake is Monday and the Funeral Tuesday. He leaves behind a wife and 2 young children. We had invited He and his family for Easter before he passed. The rest of his family will still be attending.

2. Post of the day. Over at We are That Family there is a very nice post about a new addition to the We are that Family family. Check it out.

3. Currently Reading: Just started Ernest Hemingway's Islands in the Stream. Twenty pages in it looks like it will be an engaging read.

To view or participate in Three Things Thursday go to Psalm 104:24 (The blog not the verse).

Next Time: Let's go Fly a Kite!