Give me (them) a break.

As the main teacher/caregiver of the family this past year I have a new appreciation of what a privilege it is to educate your own children. I also have developed an appreciation of how taxing an occupation that is. It is so taxing that from time to time I need to be away from my children and either have time to myself or time to reconnect with Amy.

I think it is vital for parents to take time away on a regular basis. Amy and I are blessed that both our parents are somewhat local and can watch our children from time to time. We also have a neighbor that can often babysit at a moments notice. Some families don't have those luxuries. Perhaps they have older children that can watch the kids. Perhaps they have other families that they can trade babysitting with.

There is a family from our church that has 3 adopted children 5 or under. They have a 3 year old who has many special needs. At home he can be quite a handful and make it very difficult for the rest of the family to connect with each other or be able to go on outings like the zoo or even be able to get work done around the house. So when they joined our home school support group they put a prayer request in that they were looking for some people that could give their son some respite care.

Amy and I both have some background in ministering to special needs children, so we offered to help. About once a month Luke comes over for a day or two. He is a wonderful boy and quite frankly we are still waiting for him to have any type of episode. One of our children will generally implode the weekend he is with us, but never Luke. His parents have told us he usually does much better with other people. Our kids love him, and we all look forward to his visits. In July, he will stay with us for a whole week, and it should be a great time.

So that's why I think taking a break from your kids or helping others do the same works for me. Giving stuff away works for me also and as this is my 75th post, It is time for Crazy Dave to come out and give something away. I am giving away a book and a c.d. so that the next time you take some time off you will have something to read or listen to. The c.d. is How you Live by Point of Grace and the book is Unsung Heroes by Michael Kelly Blanchard. The giveaway ends 10:00 CST April 30th. Just leave a comment to enter. I am again giving additional entries to those following my blog. See the sidebar for official rules.

To see what else works go to We Are That Family.

Next Time: Hockey Lessons

Random Postings: An open letter to the car behind me.

In 2001 I wrote the following letter for our family website:



Dear Car Behind me 7:30 p.m September 1st exiting Elk Grove Bowl Parking lot onto Southbound Arlington Heights,


Yesterday as my wife, daughter and I were heading home from dinner at the Rose Garden restaurant in Elk Grove we were making a left out of the parking lot of The Grove Shopping Center on the corner of Arlington Heights Road. We were joined by you on our tail. My wife, who is probably the worlds best and safest driver, was waiting for traffic on both sides to subside before making our turn.

This is when you, in your 2nd row mentality, decided that you could see the traffic better behind our minivan than we could ahead of you. So you blared on your horn, indicating that we really should be turning at that exact moment and make you wait no longer. Well, Superman, (A reference to your x-ray vision; being able to see past our car to the ongoing traffic) not 3 seconds after you honked, a northbound car barreled past us.

This means that if we took your horn blowing advice, and stuck our cars nose out in traffic, that most likely my wife, myself, and my daughter and our unborn child would be dead right now. My daughter would not have turned two today. The house in Carpentersville we moved into yesterday would have never been lived in by us, nor paid off by us, saddling our parents with grief and debt.

Fortunately, as disconcerting as your second row salute was, my wife did not go until the coast was actually clear. You, then had the audacity to catch up with us and give my wife a glare! Don't you realize, that if we did take your advice and got smashed up, you would have most likely been even further delayed than you were. When we both stopped at the light at Landmeier it was all I could do to not roll my window down and give you an earful.

This has happened to me so many times before. We live in an area of congested traffic, driving in front of people who honk the horn at us before the light turns green. If you guys are so quick on the draw, how come you generally are behind me ?

So car behind me, next time you are second in line behind somebody else: try to remember that it's not just a car you are behind, it is people!

Love,

Dave Roller

A little perspective: I sent a copy of letter to our local newspaper and they advised me it would be published on September 12, 2001. I don't believe the newspaper evcer published it due to more serious matters from that time period.

Next Time: Give me a Break

4 Weddings and a funeral, Part I

The FAQS of Life: My life in Frequently Asked Question Format
Today's Topic: 4 Weddings and a Funeral

Nothing brings a family together like a wedding. Except maybe a funeral. With the recent passing of my brother, Keith, I have decided to share a little about his funeral as well as his wedding, my wedding and the weddings of my two other married siblings. Today we will talk about my sister Kathy's wedding.

Q: Who was the first of your brothers and sisters to tie the knot?
A: I am pretty sure that it was me. It may have been my brother Chris; we were both in scouting at about the same time. I was a tad uncoordinated, so maybe him.
Q: I mean who was the first of you to get married?
A: Oh, sorry that would be my sister, Kathy. September 1, 1991. She married Andy.
Q: How did they meet?
A: Kathy met Andy at their 5 year Notre Dame reunion. They had not known each other previously, which how they were able to "meet". It turns out my father and Andy's had been Notre Dame classmates as well and had planned the whole thing out in the student union their sophomore year. All right that part is made up. But they did know each other.
Q: What was the significance of this wedding? A: Kathy moved to Virginia with Andy after the wedding so this was the last time the 5 of us would live in the same state.
Q: Was Amy involved in the wedding? A: Amy did not attend this wedding, as we were just college friends at the time, but her car did. Amy lent me her car so I could drive up for the wedding.
Q: What do you remember most about the wedding?
A: Like many young women, Kathy had been planning aspects of her wedding for years. But what was unusual, is that what Kathy had been planning was the music she would play at the reception. I think she had about 5 hours of must play songs. The song I remember the most was "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll."
Q: Before I ask my next question could you tell me what a smile and nod moment is?
A: Smile and nod refers to what our family does when one of our family members is acting kind of unusual. People tend to smile and nod at myself or my brothers and sisters and some of our cousins.
Q: Were there any smile and nod moments you recall from Kathy's wedding?
A: There were. My sister was the 2nd oldest of 29 grandchildren. The oldest grandchild came to the wedding wearing a very nice Indiana Jones hat.
Q: So you smiled and nodded when you saw him in the hat?
A: We smiled and nodded when he told us very proudly that he had sold his blood plasma in order to purchase the hat.
Q: Interesting. Where do I go after that?
A: Ask me what's coming up next time.
Q: What's coming up next time?
A: Next Time: An Open Letter to the Guy Behind Me.

Putting the fun back in funeral

Three Things Thursday time. Here is what I have for you today.

1. During the wake and funeral for my brother I was constantly remembering one of his favorite episodes from Night Court, one of his favorite television programs. The episode featured an undertaker with a warped sense of humor. His goal was to put "fun" back in funeral. Among his tricks of the trade he would put bumper stickers on the casket that said things like "My other car's a hearse" or "I'd rather be breathing."

2. I gave the eulogy Tuesday at Keith's funeral. I'd like to share to the best of my memory my remarks, and yes I did call the Catholic Priest "Pastor Ed". Keith's service was at the Catholic Church my family attended when we were growing up. My parents still go there and my Dad drives the bus for the churches elementary school. The entire student body came to the funeral.


Here is what I said ...


"On behalf of Lynn and her children, my parents and my brothers and sisters I'd like to welcome you to the Illinois regional Jeopardy auditions. (wait for laughter to subside) Keith and the rest of our family grew up at this church. The first funeral I recall attending was here. It was for the father of a school and scouting friend of Chris and mine. After the service, my dad approached the widow and said "38 is much too young to go."

Now, I was about 10, and like maybe many of you, (motioning to the students) 38 did not seem young to me at all. But let me tell you, 38 is much too young (Keith was 38 when he died). When you love somebody whenever they die it is always much too soon.

Many people who knew Keith only by his diagnosis (bi-polar disorder) might think that there were two Keith's. That was so untrue. There was only one Keith. He had a greater capacity for love and enjoyment than anyone I ever knew. He loved his family. He loved playing games and he loved jokes. He was active in his children's schooling and scouting. (I meant to talk briefly how he loved chess and how he was helping my son Charlie with his chess class on their last visit together a week before he died. I didn't get to that part. I also wanted to talk specifically about how much he loved his wife Lynn, missed that as well). He was logical to the point of being obnoxious or perhaps for the purpose of being obnoxious. He'd be at a a party at my house and I'd say "Keith there's Pepsi in the cooler if you want one." And he'd say "Actually, there's Pepsi in the cooler even if I don't want one."

Keith's passing has left many of us with the same question. A question my daughter Emma has asked many times this week. "Daddy, why did Uncle Keith have to die?" I don't think it was any coincidence that Keith died during Holy Week. During the same time that many of you were celebrating the stations of the cross and asking "Why did Jesus have to die?" Pastor Ed you are right Keith is not asking those questions now. Keith understood the hope of the resurrection and He is in heaven right now with his Savior.

During the past 3 years during the course of his illness, (Keith had heart and kidney ailments) many people have stopped me and asked me "How is Keith? How is your brother doing?" Keith is doing great. He is doing better than we can even imagine.


3. Yesterday the day after the funeral, I decided to seek comfort in comfort food. It is one of those foods that I enjoy making as much as I do eating. There is a food product at the Mexican grocery store near my house called duros or wheels. They are like a meatless pork rind. For $1.50 you can get a large bag of them prepared. But for about $2.00 you can buy a bag of them uncooked that makes 8-10 times the large bag. Not quite enough for Frugal Friday, but still fun on a budget. All of my children like to eat or prepare the treat.

Here is what they look like uncooked . . .









Here is what one looks like after being cooked in hot oil . . . You will notice it's in the same bowl.



So there's my 3 things combining fun, funeral and food. To see more three things this Thursday go to Psalm 104:24


Next Time: 4 Weddings and a Funeral.

The write thing at the right time.

Today has been a difficult day. I started teaching the kids today and it did not go really well. I went shopping after Amy came home and started crying about three times in the five minutes I was in the store. Purchasing refried beans usually does not have that effect on me. Keith has been on my mind all day.

When I got back in the house I started crying again. Emma was finishing a writing assignment that Amy gave her last week. She asked me what was the matter and I said that I wasn't feeling very well today. She handed me her finished assignment and said "here, I hope this makes you feel better." It really did! She gave me permission to share it here.

My Dad! By Emma R

A man like Dad is hard to find. If you looked for someone like him in a 1,000,000 men, not one would be just like him. That is because my dad is the best dad in the world! But not the best father. Just kidding!

That is because he is silly, helpful, kind, nice, funny, and crazy! He likes to say "llama". Once he said I'll give you 5 cents for every time I say llama!" Boy! Did we get a lot of money!

We used to get 50 cents for allowance. Now we get $2.00! He even lets me be paid for some jobs. He always prays for Lucy and sometimes lays down with her. He loves playing games with us!

When Lucy has sticker time, he lets her choose. When she has computer time, he does exactly what she wants. He makes Lucy's school fun. He takes our neighbor to the store, because she does not have a car.

He used to visit our uncle at the hospital. In conclusion, my dad is the best dad in the world because he is nice, kind and crazy.

I just gave a eulogy yesterday. The problem with a eulogy is that the person you want to tell all these great things about is not there to hear them. Emma's paper seemed like a eulogy that I was able to receive.

Next Time: Putting the fun back in funeral.