Veterans of Grief

 I'm sure I have written a post like this before with a similar title.  I am taking another stab at the subject.  My youngest brother Keith was born on Nov 11th 1970 aka Veterans Day. .  This is the 54th anniversary of his birth. I was born in September of 1964, so I was already 6 years old when he was born. 

. Keith's last Veteran's Day was 16 years ago when he turned 38. He died 5 months later in an Elgin nursing home when I was 44. Since then I've turned 60 and he's perpetually 38. Keith loved math and I'm pretty sure if he was still around he'd call me up today to announce that he had now been alive for  90% of my lifetime. The truth is that he was on;y alive 63.33% of my lifetime time and that number goes down each year I outlive him.   

Now Keith would want me to provide a more accurate accounting of that number by factoring in the 5 months between his 38th birthday and that day in April of 2009 when he shuffled off this mortal coil.  Let's be real, Keith would want me to calculate the percentage down to at least the day, factoring in the leap days as well.  He probably wouldn't be satisfied with even that and want it down to the last minute.  

But That's not what I would want.  What I would want of course, is that his multiple health problems were all resolved and that he was here with us celebrating his full deck plus 2 jokers (that's 54th please try to keep up)  birthday with us.  What I would want is that his children now in their 20s would still have their Dad with them instead of hardly remembering him or not remembering him at all.  What I would want, is that instead of struggling to recall his legendary dumb jokes, there would be another 15 1/2 years worth of them to smile and nod at. But I did not get what I wanted. Instead, I got grief. Now Veterans Day means more than just Keith's birthday to me.  It reminds me that I'm a veteran, a veteran of grief.  

I'm going to spend the rest of this post unpacking the last sentence of the previous paragraph. When Keith died Amy and I had been attending a small group at our church for only a few weeks.  We knew the leader of the small group pretty well because he was the children's ministry pastor and all our children were in the children's ministry at the time and we were both volunteering there.  So when he showed up at Keith's visitation I wasn't too surprised.  What did surprise me, however, was that the couple whose house the small group met at came to the visitation. We had just met them a few weeks before.  They didn't have children, and they didn't attend the same service as we did. It really meant a lot that he came.  He explained to me that a few years before when his father had died, he had a similar experience.  Some people he hardly knew came to the funeral because they had lost someone and knew how important it was having people there not only to pay respect to the person they lost but to also be there for those who had lost someone.  Both the couple who came to Keith's visitation and the people who had gone to his Dad's funeral had one thing in common, they were veterans of grief.

When I think of a war veteran I think of someone who's been through something devastating and life-altering and has been permanently changed by it.  Grief has that same effect on you. There is something else I've learned about veterans they try to be there for each other.  There is a camaraderie, a family bond. It's a community that doesn't require serving in the same unit or even the same war.  The same could be said about a veteran of grief.  I don't know if this is true of all veterans be it war, grief, or something else.  But as I dealt with losing Keith, empathy for those encountering the same thing grew in me.  I was never one to shy away from the funerals of people I knew, but I started gravitating to the funerals of family members of people I knew. As a veteran of grief, I have been able to comfort people and try to help in tangible ways as people begin their journeys with loss and grief.  

Keith is often front and center in my heart and mind during these times.  I have not yet lost someone closer than a sibling and have not experienced what it is like to lose a child, a parent, or a spouse.  I have done my best to comfort those who have lost more significant people in the time since Keith's passing. A dear friend lost his father and wife in short order.  I have to be honest I can't imagine losing Amy.  I know it would devastate me completely and while I know God would bring me through it, I know it's just a drop in the bucket in comparison to losing Keith. Amy herself lost both her parents within a few years of each other.  It broke my heart to see her "orphaned" knowing that her loss was far greater than mine.  Yet knowing how God has helped me through this lesser loss of Keith has helped inform me how I can minister to others as they become more experienced with grief.  

I still miss Keith, especially on days like today.  Tomorrow my remaining brother and I head over to Keith's house to help his widow with some practical needs.  It will be bittersweet just a day after his birthday.  All my siblings have tried to look out for our sister-in-law and our niece and nephew and I think we would all say that we wished we could do more.  In sports veteran players often act as a surrogate coaches to rookies and other new team members.  Grief is not a team that anyone chooses to play for. Isaiah 53:3 prophesies about Jesus describing Him as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.  Jesus, His word, and His people have equipped me as a veteran of grief.  I'm not sure if I'm paying forward, or pointing backward but regardless of the direction I'm so glad to try to be there for others when grief has them upside down. 

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60 Years in 60 Days:1970

 1970: Keith 

I was in first grade in 1970.  It was my first year as a full time student as kindergarten back then was a strictly half day affair.  My older sister was in 2nd grade and my younger brother was doing whatever 4 year-olds did back in the early 70's. I don't have any memories when I didn't have both an older sister and a younger brother.

I do have memories before my youngest brother, Keith was born  on veteran's day 1970.  I remember some of kindergarten.  I remember my first day of first grade and I certainly remember walking home from school that day in Mid November when my Mom was coming home from the hospital with Keith.

I also sadly have many memories of life without my baby brother.  He died a little more than 14 1/2 years ago.  An event that is very well chronicled on this blog. This is the fifteenth birthday we have celebrated without him. 

 By the time Keith was starting first grade, I was starting 7th grade.  Because of the age difference we weren't all that close growing up.  He started high school when I was in college living at home and volunteering in the same high school youth group I had been in while in school.  He starting attending that youth group and we spent quite a bit of time together because of that. As a result we became closer and even though we weren't exactly super tight, he was probably the relative I was closest with.

In 1987, the year I left home to reinvent myself, Keith started his senior year of high school. Over Spring Break that year he had his first hospitalization due to mental illness.  This was the beginning of his road to a Bi-polar diagnosis.  I think back then they just called it a nervous breakdown.

That Fall he did go away to school, actually pretty close to where I had landed and he spent his first two semesters of college the farthest he ever lived away from my parents.  The next year He went back home to a local junior college and started to find his own way. While there he met the woman he would eventually marry and he got married before either of his older brothers.

Keith eventually graduated from college and began graduate school but never completed it.  I think the only job he ever had was at McDonalds, but he always worked hard and he always took care of his family, And I never met someone who loved his kids more fiercely than Keith did.  

Some Friday night in the summer of 2006, I was at an outdoor movie night at a local park with my family.  My cell phone rang, it was my Dad.  Keith was sick, He had only 10 % use of his heart and his kidney function was at the same rate.  Within a week, he was getting treated at the Mayo Clinic.  

His kidneys were shot because of the lithium he took for his bi-polar, but we never discovered what happened with his heart. From 2006 to April 2008 Keith's life developed into a consistent pattern.  He'd be hospitalized he'd then go to a nursing home (one of the only 30 somethings in the joint) then go back home far a month or two and then he'd be hospitalized again  because either his heart medicine was creating problems for his kidneys or his kidney medicine was messing with the bi-polar or any other such permutation. rinse, lather, repeat.  

Keith loved trivia, especially Jeopardy. He was an excellent chess player and  loved all kind of puzzles especially those in Games magazine.  I am sure, he would have been great at current games, like Wordle and Nerdle. 

Keith died at the age of 38 so I always think of him as 38. Or I think of him at 27, when he got married.  Or I think of him at 30 when his son Robert was born.  Or I think of him ay 32 when his daughter Sarah arrived. Or at the age of 22 when he visited me in Russia and said of my filing system, "A place for everything and everything on the floor." Or at the age of 17 when I saw him graduate high school at the old Poplar Creek concert venue. Or playing tee ball at the age of 7 or 8.  Or at the age of a few days, that November day on 1970 when he came home from the hospital.  I guess I remember him a lot.  I miss him even more.

Keith Roller Played With a Full Deck and the Cards He was Dealt.

 My brother Keith was born on this day in 1970.  He passed away in April of 2013 at the age of 38 from a heart attack while in a nursing home in Elgin.  He died a few weeks  before he was scheduled to return home to his wife and kids. 

Today, he would have turned 52.  There is really very little significance to a 52nd birthday, but a few years ago I manufactured a little significance by referring to it as the full deck birthday.  This is because a card deck traditionally has 52 cards.  Today would have been Keith's full deck birthday.

My brother had social, emotional, physical, and mental health challenges on his brief time here,  One could say that the deck was stacked against him.  To judge him for his challenges, as many did,  would be not only unfair but would rob you of knowing one of the kindest, smartest, funniest people you would ever encounter.

In his short life, he graduated college, fell in love, married and fathered 2 children who he showered love on.  While it seems cruel that they hardly remember him, his legacy of kindness, passion, and creativity continues in them. 

I was an older brother to Keith, I was also his youth group leader when he was in high school.  I guess I was something of a model and an example to him.  In many ways he was an example and even a teacher  to me and although his life on earth is over the memories and the lessons continue. 

 

Earlier this year,  I started 2 sonnets with the same line: The time were given is quite brief.  It started as just an exercise,  It became much more than that when the 2nd poem became about Keith.  As today is not only Keith's birthday but also Poetry Friday.  I thought I would share it again here.  

Death of a Brother

14 lines after 13 years

The time we're given  is quite brief

For some, it's much too short

One April morn I got the report

I'd lost my brother Keith

Such news was so beyond belief

That I had no retort

Of snappy comebacks, I'd fallen short

So anguished by my grief

My brother died in a nursing home

At the age of thirty-eight

While he was watching M*A*S*H

13 years later as I write this poem

Though my grief is not as great

My heart still bears the gash

Buffy Silverman is hosting this weeks Poetry Friday.

Death of a Brother: 14 lines after 13 years

 I am participating in Poetry Friday for the 2nd week in a row.  Last week I contributed this sonnet  and mentioned I had written a 2nd sonnet with the exact same first line

One of the many differences between this sonnet and last week's is that today's is an Italian sonnet and the first one was an Elizabethan sonnet.  Each one has 14 lines but the rhyme scheme varies.  Today's sonnet has the rhyme scheme ABBA ABBA CDE CDE.

Death of a Brother

14 lines after 13 years

The time we're given  is quite brief

For some, it's much too short

One April morn I got the report

I'd lost my brother Keith

Such news was so beyond belief

That I had no retort

Of snappy comebacks, I'd fallen short

So anguished by my grief

My brother died in a nursing home

At the age of thirty-eight

While he was watching M*A*S*H

13 years later as I write this poem

Though my grief is not as great

My heart still bears the gash

As I mentioned last week, in my opinion, this is the lesser of the two sonnets.  Maybe I feel that way because it's so personal.  

Buffy Silverman is hosting Poetry week, click here to see more.  

G is for Grief , Griffey, and Geode

 

Good morning  and welcome to Day 7 of the A to Z challenge. This year I chose 3 themes for the challenge: Limericks, MLB sluggers in my lifetime, and A to Z wordles. For more information about these themes click here. 

Part I: A to Z Limericks

As I prepare to write the limerick for April 8th it is A pril 7th and today is the 13th anniversary of my brother's death.  He was 38 years old and died of a heart attack in a nursing home in what is now my home town of Elgin, Illinois.  Today's limerick is dedicated to him, Keith Bertram Roller.

The funny thing about grief

Is that time only gives some relief

Whether 1 year or thirteen

I know one thing for certain .

I know that I'll always miss Keith.

Part II: A to Z Homerun hitters of my lifetime

Of the 6 home run specialists we've profiled this month only 1, Cal Ripken Jr. has been in the to 50 in career long balls.  Ripken's 431 blasts put him exactly 50th on the all time list.  Today and tomorrow we get back to back players in the top 10.  

Only 6 players in MLB history have gone yard more times than Ken Griffey Jr.. Griffey hit 398 of his 630 homers between 1988 and 1999.  All of these were with the Seattle Mariners his original team.  Those home runs alone would tie him for 60th all time with Dale Murphy.  After 1999 he hit   210 with his Dad's former team the Cincinnati Reds and 3 more with my beloved White Sox before hitting 19 more for the Mariners after returning to Seattle for his final 2 seasons.

Part III: Wordle Starting Words from A to Z

Note: Correct letters in the correct places will be shown in bold. Correct letters in incorrect places will be shown in italics.

A geode is a rock contained with crystals or other mineral matter. My best friend form my college days grew up on farmland not far from the university.  There is a dried up creek bed on the property and we have collected geodes from there on multiple occasions.  So on March 7th, I used geode as my opening word for that day's wordle.

G E O D E - I went digging with Geode and I came up with the O and the D in incorrect positions.

B L O O D - Blood was my first of 2 illogical guesses as I had already determined that the O was not in the medial position.  I was able to determine that the D was in the final position.

S O U N D - On my third guess I still only had the O and the D which I had since geode, but now I had them in their proper places.

H A R D Y - This was my second illogical guess as I neglected to use the O altogether and I put the D in what I knew to be the wrong place.  Some people do place this way I like to only guess words that have a chance of being the word.  That being said the guess did reveal all5 letters needed for the actual solution.

H O A R D - I may have actually solved it sooner if I stuck with logical guesses. I did find it interesting that I started with geode and ended with hoard because when my kids were growing up I used to hoard their geodes so they could use them at nature swap at our local zoo.  

Todays topics were a mixture of many emotional memories in my life.  My memories of my brother, my friendships over the years, my love for baseball and being able to share all those with my wife and children are some of the truest treasure of my life.  For more A to Z challenge click here.  

Comedian By Steve Taylor

 I lived in Russia between the end of 1992 and the end of 1994.  During those 2 years abroad, I missed many things.  By missed I don't mean longed for, although I certainly did miss Mountain Dew and Lou Malnatis's pizza by that definition and was glad when my brother brought those along when he visited me.  I also don't mean by miss that I wasn't there for it, yet heard about.  While I want there for the Bronco chase , Nolan Ryan's pummeling of Robin Ventura, Michael Jordan's retirement announcement , or  the birth of my first niece,  I was acutely aware of all 4.

No, what I mean by missed is there were some events that I did not hear about until I was back in the states, sometimes for several years.  Some of these were deaths of famous people, others were books, movies, or music that came out during that time.  It wasn't uncommon to hear someone talk about a movie I had never heard of, only for me to ask if it came out in 1993 or 1994 and quite often it had.  Finally, I had to come to grips that due to my decision to leave the U.S. and plant a church in Russia in the early 1990's that there would be indeed certain things that I left behind and missed entirely.  I never regretted that decision and certainly experienced many more things that I would have never experienced in the states had I stayed put.

Over the past few years I have realized that I have experienced another gap without leaving the U.S. for more than a fortnight every 10 years or so.  I experienced it today when I was playing with my Spotify account in between classes.  There was a recommended song by Steve Taylor and some band he was in and I had never heard of the song or the band.  Now not to be confusing Steve Taylor uses to front for a band called Some Band.  So, I am not referring to them.  The name of the band is The Perfect foil,  and according to Wikipedia it is an alt. rock supergroup featuring artists from 2 more of my favorite groups (Peter Furler from Newsboys & Jimmy Abegg from (A Ragamuffin Band).  What was odd is this super group was formed in 2010, and I was only just hearing about it 11 years later.  Not really odd when you think that in 2010 I was homeschooling my 3 children all under the age of 11.  Listening to old music on c.d.s is something I did when I had the occasional spare time. Keeping up with music was  not something I invested much time in.  Again, I would not trade that time in my life for anything but it does explain how a song like Comedian stayed off my radar for so long.

A nice thing about discovering something you missed from long ago is that when you do eventually discover it, you also  discover many other things alongside it.  In finding out more information in this missing chapter of Steve Taylors musical journey I discovered a blog that writes an awful lot about Christian Music and other topics that interest me.  It is a blog by Keith Shields called Thirst  and he does an entire post about this song.  I encourage you to do what he suggests in his post which is listen to this song (I have put the Spotify link below at the same time you read the lyrics to the song and then read how the song affected him.  (The link to his post is here.) 

I enjoyed his interpretation of a song from 11  years ago that I only just discovered this morning.  Still in all I'm glad I didn't miss it.  

Keith for 50

Today is my brother Keith's birthday.  He would have turned 50 today. He died in April of 2009 at the age of 38.  Over the years I have written a lot about his life  and death many of those posts can be found by clicking here.

Over the years I have also written about a musician friend of mine Allen Levi.  He also lost a brother and chronicled their story in an excellent memoir called The Last Sweet Mile. I mislaid my copy a few years ago when we moved into our current house.  It is probably in a box in the basement some where.

I found 2 posts I wrote about Keith that I wanted to share.  One was written on 11/11/11 which was a birthday he has been looking forward to as it resonated firmly in his mathematical mind. The other was written a year earlier than that when he would have turned 40.  I will reprint it here as it is also features the aforementioned Allen Levi.

Big 40 minus the birthday boy

My brother Keith would have turned 40 today. He died 18 months ago so he never quite made the milestone. When My Mom turned 40, my Dad put a banner across our garage that read "Jeanne's 40 today. But don't tell anyone!". We lived across from the local library at the time and man people people became aware of the event. When I turned 40, Amy had a surprise party for me and had one of my favorite musicians, Allen Levi, fly in from Alabama and sing at my party. He performed the following song among others...

 

 When Amy turned 40, relatives teamed with me so I could give her 40 rolls of quarters. (Amy loves quarters) Keith died 18 months ago, so he never quite made the milestone. Keith was born on Veteran's day and loved that his birthday was celebrated by many people even though they might not be aware they were doing so. Today as you reflect on the men and women who served our country in the military. Reflect also on the men and women boys and girls who left the party before we had a chance to throw them one.

Meanwhile back in 2020

On occasions like this I really want to say something profound about Keith.  Instead I'll just say this...

There really has never been anyone exactly like him.  .  I find it fitting that Keith's 50th birthday falls on the heels of the death of Alex Trebek.  He loved Jeopardy and even auditioned for the show, easily making it to the 2nd part of the process.   Keith excelled in trivia but there wasn't anything trivial about him. Keith was Bi-polar but his mental illness did not define him.  What defined Keith was a world class mind, a kind and gentle spirit, a quirky and quick sense of humor, a simple but abundant faith, and a love for his family and friends.  

Keith visited me when I was living in Russia, teaching English as a Second Language and working as a Baptist Missionary.  One day Keith and I were on a bus on the way to visit a family I knew.  Keith heard someone speaking Spanish and started talking to them in Spanish.  I didn't realize how much Spanish Keith knew.  He studied it  a little in High School but picked it up mostly working at McDonalds.  The Person Keith was speaking to was a  Brazilian missionary who had only been in the Russia  for about 2 weeks.  He spoke very little Russian no English,  ,some Spanish but mostly Portuguese.   Keith invites him to visit this family with us. We get to the families house they have never met Keith or this guy before. The family consisted of a high school girl that I was tutoring in English, her college aged sister and their mother. Their English ranged between somewhat fluent and none at all. This family loved foreigners and were really interested in getting to know Keith and this Brazilian betters.   The guy from Brazil  would speak in Spanish, Keith would translate it into English and I would try to  translate it into Russian.  Then we would reverse the process.  Keith would get off on these crazy tangents and try to explain an idiom or a pun  and I would have no way to translate it with my limited Russian.  

Everybody had a wonderful time.  When I would see that family or that missionary after that they always commented on how much they enjoyed that evening. This is not surprising.  Keith made life an adventure. When I hear Spanish, I sometimes remember the day Keith turned a bus ride into a party.  He may have left the party early but he certainly made a lasting impression. 

Keith Rhymes with Grief.

 IS FOR GRIEF

Wait one minute, you might be thinking.  In yesterday's post you basically promised that G would be for Give-A-Way.  You indicated that you would be giving away some state quarters. 

That's true, I really did.  Then I realized that today (April 7th) is the 3 year anniversary of my brother Keith's death.  I just didn't feel like putting my Crazy Uncle Dave hat on over my mourning brother one.  So, the quarter give-a-way will be soon.  You won't have to wait all the way to Q, I promise.

I have spent better than an hour rehashing Keith stories here and then deleting them.  I do that because this post is not really about remembering Keith.  I do that often.  This post is not really about his life. This post is about the grief I feel from his death.

I thought that it might be good to give a working definition of grief.  Since I decided to check in at Show My Face for Six Word Saturday. Here are my 6 words:

Grief - Deep stress caused by bereavement*.

*Bereavement is generally associated  with the loss of a loved one by death.

Pushing 50 as I am, I am not a total stranger to death.  Most of that death has come as a result of old age.  My grandparents all died between the ages of 79 and 97.  Keith was 7 months from 39 when he passed away.  Sometimes, even now, I can't wrap my head around him being gone. 

I do still have deep stress about his passing.  This stress is not daily, nor weekly, or even monthly.  It will sometimes hit me at random times but generally hits at 3 times during the year: On or near his birthday, the anniversary of his death, and Christmastime.  Teaching school, blogging or just about anything becomes difficult to focus on and I become quite a bit more irritable. 

A few months after Keith died I won a book from the Library Thing Early Reviewers Program about bereavement.  I still haven't read it fully or reviewed it.  I guess it's hard for me to imagine reviewing a book for early reviewers 3 years after it came out.  The book's title "In the Grip of Bereavement"  accurately describes my episodes of grief.  I really do feel like grief has a hold on me during these times.

Keith has now been dead longer than he was sick.  Our sister who is 3.5 years his junior is now the same age he was when he died. Life has gone on without him.  His children were 8 and 5 when he died that means they are 11 and 8 now.  In just 2 years his daughter will have lived longer without a father than with one. 

My faith in God has been a great sustainer over the past 3 years.  Even so,  sometimes the grief is so strong it is all I seem to be able to feel.  Sometimes I am even frightened that someday I may not grieve at all.  These thoughts and feelings are not the entirety of who I am.  but like today's post, which is neither well crafted nor polished, they are incredibly real. 

For more 6 word Saturday Click Here.

To see other G posts in Blogging A to Z click here.

 

11 11 11 41

Veteran's day always served a double purpose in my adult life. One was it gave me pause to reflect on how those in our military, lay their lives on the line to insure and protect the freedoms I often take for granted.

The other was actually more important, it reminded me of my brother's birthday. My youngest brother was born on November 11th. Having 4 siblings, I was grateful for anything that would remind me of their birthdays. Having one born on a holiday is certainly one way of doing it.


Keith loved being born on Veteran's day. He used to joke that people were getting the day off from school or work (although I don't remember getting the day off for either) for his birthday.
Having a brother with a birthday on a holiday was working for both of us. I remembered it and he basked in it. Then, in 2009, he goes and dies on me!

What good is a remembering a birthday if you don't have someone to celebrate with? So, I started celebrating Keith's birthday here, on my blog. In November of 2009, I spaced my posts 39 hours apart since he would have been 39. What can I say, the kid loved math. On his actual birthday I posted every 39 minutes mine and other's remembrances of him. Last November, I linked many of those remembrances at the end of my posts and on what would have been his 40th birthday I wrote this.

Keith would have actually enjoyed his 41st birthday better than his 40th. He was obsessed with math, and particularly enjoyed calendar math. This probably had something to do with being born on the 11th day of the 11th month. I remember in 1981 how he cherished turning 11 on 11/11. I also remember in the mid to late '90s how this 20 something was telling me what would happen on his 41st birthday. I mean hey this was before people were even worrying about Y2k!

Yes, today his 41st birthday is on 11/11/(20)11. The kid would certainly dig that. The only thing he might have wanted to change, if he could go back in time (a concept, he often thought about), would to be born 3 decades later and turn 11 on 11/11/11. I am not sure my Mom, who would have given birth at age 60, would have appreciated that.

In honor of Keith's posthumous achievement I posted this at 11:11 this morning. We all miss you Keith. The memories we have of you, and the knowledge that you are in Heaven, help us get through each birthday and every day we spend without you.

Sunday's Cool: Bunny Circus

Sunday's Cool

A Link Up & A Look Ahead

A Link Up: In September and October when I was all but an absent figure in the blogosphere, I was also not pushing my children's presence there. Now that things at the Izola Becker Home School or more or less to back to normal, I hope my kids will get back to blogging as well.

On Friday, Bunny Girl wrote a post about our trip to the Circus. You can get to that post my clicking on the picture of the 12 year old ringmaster or by clicking here.

A Look Ahead: This week I plan to blog about birthdays. My son's that just passed and a birthday my late brother would have loved. I also will be working on the Carnival of Homeschooling that I will be hosting on the 16th of this month.

Next Time: Birthday Training

Helpful Homeschool Hints on a sick day

Last night I had essentially a sleepless night caused by food poisoning or some other malady. It could have been just a suppressed memory of an episode I watched of the Partridge Family when I was a kid. I mean that show stunk! If I were an Atheist, I would use the fact that the Partridge Family ran so long (4 seasons in prime time and several more in syndication) as proof of the nonexistence of God. So whether food induced, bad 70's t.v. memories caused or some other reason. I spent the evening in a feverish, retching state. When Amy went off to work this morning, I was feeling a little better, but still exhausted from the ordeal. All this serves as an introduction to a new meme debuting today called Helpful Homeschool Hints hosted at Many Little Blessings. Even though the weather is currently 11 feet tall and at 6'1 I am still firmly under it, I want to take some time this afternoon to give a hint based on my current predicament and experience.

My Helpful Homeschool Hint:

On a day when you are unwell , take care of yourself.

I think whether working outside or inside the home, everyone has had several nights like the one described above. Perhaps, a sick baby or a phone call regarding the sickness or death of a loved one was to blame rather than just being sick yourself. But, no matter what caused it, there is sometimes a feeling that that no matter what you had planned for the day must continue regardless of your incapacity to proceed. You force yourself into the shower, and then will yourself to whatever needs be accomplished that day.

I know from my own experience that such resolve doesn't usually have the results intended. When I worked outside the home, I had several times when I dragged myself to work sick as a dog, often in bad weather. Just to have to take a sick day anyway 2 hours or less after I came in (usually feeling sicker and driving home in worse weather.)

This also has happened in my role as the home educator. I just try to accomplish whatever was planned and usually the day goes well for no one.

Today, while I harbored some misconceptions of getting some school done. I knew that I needed to lay down for at least an hour or so. I put on a couple of episodes of the Old Electric Company and told the kids to check on me when those two episodes were done.

That hour or so turned out to be 5 hours. I woke up a few times but never had to get out of bed. In between sleeping, they did some educating of themselves. Besides Electric Company (grammar and phonics) I overheard them playing Monopoly and Risk (Math and Logic) emptying the dishwasher and making their own lunch (Home Ec.) While they were eating lunch they were performing "The Book Report" from A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN. (Drama and music appreciation). It was like my sickness turned them into a pseudo unschooled classroom for the morning.

A couple of disclaimers need to be mentioned at this time.

1) If you home educate very young children, sick children, or special needs kids, such a morning would not be possible without the assistance of an older sibling or a friend or relative to intervene.

Even a year ago, Puppy (Almost 5) would not have allowed me 5 uninterrupted hours no matter my condition. She is just beginning to stop operating on the "I'm up, so you need to be up" model.

2) It hasn't all been bonbons and Mallomars this morning. (Aside from the fact, that I haven't been able to contemplate actually putting food into my system yet.) Even as I was writing this, I had to intervene in a breach of contract issue between my little game players.

With that being said, my helpful hint remains . . . When you are sick or otherwise encumbered, allow some flexibility in your plans and allow your students the ability to demonstrate some of the life lessons you are teaching them.

For More Helpful Homeschool Hints click here.

Keith Time: A Mother's Memory Part II

The Art of the Midnight Snack

A few weeks ago I was in bed at 11ish and I could not sleep. This is not uncommon for me. So I got up out of bed and got myself something to eat. This is still a some what usual occurrence.

Where I diverged from the usual is the elaborateness of my snack. It started with a salad theme on Grandma's china.


Added toast and milk.




And then did a little snack and hulu action

That was a snack worthy of blogginess.

Keith Time: The International Impact of Keith Part III

Coffee Table Books, No Coffee Table.

Tried to take care of a few things today after school. One thing was to take some books and toys to the attic. I love books. I am not a voracious reader, like my wife. I love to read, but more than that I just love to have them around. When I was in college, if I went on a weekend retreat, I would usually bring 5 books with me. Not school books, mind you, just books. I would then wind up buying 4-5 more books at the retreat. This probably explains why our bookshelves are so overcrowded.

One problem we have with our bookshelf is that we have a number of coffee table books, and no coffee table. The problem is that these coffee table books are over sized and don't fit naturally in any of the book shelves, save the bottom ones. This of course is a problem, as puppy can easily take them out of said shelves.

One partial solution I have found to the book over crowding is a little thing called paper back swap. It is an on line paper back (and hardcover) exchange system. Today, I took a number of books from our shelves (many purchased at those weekend retreats) and listed them at paper back swap.

If someone wants a book. I mail it to them at my expense and then I get a free credit for a book. I listed 15 books an hour ago and already have 1 book to send out.

My wife doesn't see this as much of an accomplishment. As I am either spending money to get rid of books or adding more books to the household.

So far, all of my "purchases" have been on school books I would have needed anyway. Today was an especially good book as I was able to order a book that has been out of print for more than a decade. Our co-op skits class is using one of the stories from the as a final project this fall and another one this spring. This way we won't have to borrow it from a local college library. I will blog more about this book once I get my hot little hands on it.

If you look directly below you will see a link to the books I am giving up.






Well, that's enough about books and exchange rates and all that. Have a great evening.

Keith Time: Time For Jeopardy

Not Much. what's a woodchuck with you?

On the way home from Awana today, my son asked me why a woodchuck is called a woodchuck. I told him, I did not know but would find out.

And the thing is I did . . .




groundhog day! Originally uploaded by NapaneeGal


I originally thought that woodchuck was just an informal version of Wood Charles. It turns out, a woodchuck is just another name for a groundhog. It comes from the Indian name for groundhogs and other similar animals, wujak. The name evolved into woodchuck. I don't believe the animal evolved, but I can believe the name did.

I also found out that woodchuck isn't the only alternate name for groundhog. There is also Land Beaver and Whistle Pig. It reminds me of that old tongue twister (I just made up):

How many names would a ground hog have if a ground hog could ground names?

Keith Time: Memories From the Funeral Part I

Sunday at the Rollers

And now, a word from our sponsor....

What does Sunday at the Roller's house look like? Maybe much like your house. Wake up, make breakfast, run around getting everyone cleaned and dressed for church. Go to church. Enjoy worship, preaching, and announcements about our pastor search. During second service, divide up into our various classes where we're serving. Don't forget the donuts. Get home by 1:30. Have a nice relaxing lunch, then everyone scatters for their Sunday down time. Some are reading, some are playing Lego's, some are watching tv, some are sorting coins, some are devising ways to get the others involved in her dramatic/comedic play that they will write later. Sundays are generally spent doing all of these things. Then, someone remembers that the fish are almost out of water (they tend to die if we use tap water), and we're almost out of tp and dishwasher soap. So, a quick run to Walmart to pick up the essentials. Obviously, a LOT of other families had the SAME idea! Not before the dog and sheep dramatic/comedic plays. Some of us had better roles than others: Dad and older sister were crawling around as either dogs or sheep, younger sister (author and director) also "got to" crawl around as dog and sheep, brother was the clown to make the animals happy (did his job with gusto) and mom had the cushy role of looking for the lost dogs and lost sheep. Evening spent watching Hulu: Extreme Home Makeover, and Supernanny. More coin sorting by some. Oops! Forgot to have dinner. Dad to the rescue, picks up our favorites! Thanks dad! One more Sunday gone by...tune in next week for another episode of As the Rollers Roll...

Keith Time: The International impact of Keith Part II

Six words for vote for me @ HSBA

http://www.showmyface.com/ has arguably the best blog meme ever. Six Word Saturday is all that and a bag of chips infinity. It is also one of the few memes with a day in it that doesn't broadcast a day before it's name sake. WTG in the truth in advertising game, Show my Face!

My Six Words today could easily be surmised from the above button. But I'll be glad to reiterate . (reiterate v. - To iterate again) :

2010 Homeschool Blog Awards. Vote Now!

The HSBA Post is again hosting the awards. There is about a week to vote and for the purpose of full disclosure, my blog is nominated in 2 0f the 20 categories. Yes, I have been nominated for best Home School Dad blog again this year. Since the name of my blog is Home School Dad, you'd think I'd be a shoe-in. Tell that to Families Again who won last year. I say vote for me and let him win Best Families Again Blog.

And as surprising as it may sound considering the last paragraph, I am also up for funniest home school blog. You can vote for me by clicking here. I strongly urge that you browse all the categories. You may find some new favorites (fav-o-rites n. Irish Rapper).

To get back to more Six Word Saturday or just to get away from me click here.

Keith Time: A Summertime Remembrance

The Great Pizza Battle

The basic idea is to share a number of different tidbits that you'd generally not waste a whole post with. It's kind of like my old 3 Things Thursday meme, except it's on Friday, and people read it.

I thought I'd begin these fragments with some local flavor. The Chicago area is renowned for it's great pizza. When we moved to this town 9 years ago, we found a great local pizza place. Local, it's actually only a block from our house. It's a really cool place with a hunting lodge decor. The pizza is great, but they also have great hot dogs and polish sausage. They have complimentary peanuts and insist you throw the shells on the floor.

I don't know all of the exact details that led to the situation I am about to describe. I have heard many conflicting reports, so I am going to be vague to insure I don't pass on misinformation. The pizza place was located in a small complex that includes a hair salon and 7-11. Last year the owners of the pizza place bought the two houses across the street, and had them razed. I thought at the time that this was merely an expansion. In truth the restaurant had let its lease run out and was rebuilding across the street.

A few months later a new pizza place opened in the old one's former location. It was started by a former employee, who wanted to have a place of his own. I tried it a couple of times. The secret to a good pizza, is the sauce. This sauce was not close to the quality of the former tenants.

This summer the building of the new establishment started in earnest. Yesterday they opened. Now we have two pizza places a block's walk from our house. The only time I have ever seen two pizza places so close to each other is in downtown Chicago, and those are generally filled up with tourists. Our small suburb doesn't get a lot of tourists. It's just going to be a short time until there is only 1 pizza place on the block again. I'll keep you posted.


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This week we are finishing up our ed 5 week study called Passport to India. It was a Sonlight class and everyone really liked it. Each session we watched a video like this one. We collected $25.00 for Bible Clubs in India. This would generally allow 25 Indian children to attend bible clubs. Sonlight matched our gift, which will allow another 25 children to attend.


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We play a lot of games in our family. One game we really like is Mastermind. For a game that reinforces logical thinking, the box is packaged most inefficiently. In the olden days (when I was a kid), the mastermind game which has a rectangular shape, had a box to match. These days they have put the rectangular game in a square box. The packaging was obviously not designed by a master mind!

Speaking of which, the blog Thrifty Jinxy is giving away a Mastermind game and a new game called Animal Mastermind (I'm not sure how that one is packaged.) Click here to enter the contest.





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Those are all the fragments, I have for you today. Make sure to hop on over to all the other particpating blogs.



Keith Time: The International Impact of Keith Part I

Big 40 minus the birthday boy

My brother Keith would have turned 40 today. He died 18 months ago so he never quite made the milestone.

When My Mom turned 40, my Dad put a banner across our garage that read "Jeanne's 40 today. But don't tell anyone!". We lived across from the local library at the time and man people people became aware of the event.

When I turned 40, Amy had a surprise party for me and had one of my favorite musicians, Alan Levi, fly in from Alabama and sing at my party. He performed the following song among others .

When Amy turned 40, relatives teamed with me so I could give her 40 rolls of quarters. (Amy love quarters)

Keith died 18 months ago, so he never quite made the milestone. Keith was born on veteran's day and loved that his birthday was celebrated by many people even though they might not be aware they were doing so.

Today as you reflect on the men and women who served our country in the military. Reflect also on the men and women boys and girls who left the party before we had a chance to throw them one.

Nearly A Quarter Century of Fruit and Fiber.

Word Count Wednesday: 100 Words or Les

It’s funny how quickly food triggers memories. Last night while eating a blueberry bagel, I remembered a conversation from 24 years ago. A friend and I were driving home from a wedding when we had this exchange:

Friend: Do you know what you would love?

Me: No, what would I love?

Friend: You would love a blueberry bagel.

Me: You know what? I would love a blueberry bagel.

I subsequently tried my first blueberry bagel and I loved it. 24 years later I still love them!

Keith Time: Fred Astaire on Dick Cavett

HSD Rewind: Puppyisms

HSD Rewind

Originally broadcast February 2009 (edited for the 2nd decade of the 21st century, which includes name changing)

A common theme of this blog has been the sayings of my youngest daughter which I call puppyisms.

Here is what I wrote about it last year . . .


I would have no problem at all filling a daily blog with just crazy things my children say. So far the youngest is the most quotable. Today, I was putting on her bathing suit on and then her clothes over them. This generally takes me two minutes because she is a very squirrely three year old. During those two minutes this conversation occurred:



Me: Let's get dressed for swimming.



Puppy: Is today Monday or Tuesday?



Me: No today's Thursday.



Puppy: Oh Man!



Me: ?



Lucy: I love Monday. Is Monday soon?



So, most people might be thinking what is so special about Monday? Monday is a good day for her; she has some classes she really enjoys at our Home School Co-op. I don't think that's why she said it. I think she has my random genes. She just says things as they occur to her. Things that would never occur to anyone. Like the next thing she said.



Puppy: Butera loves me.



Me: You mean Butera, the grocery store?



Puppy: Yes, Butera loves me.



The problem is that she says so many crazy things, generally in a 2 minute period, that I can't possibly remember them all to tell Amy when she gets home. Point in fact, she said something very random indeed after the Butera comment, but now I have no idea what it was. She just marched in the room chanting "Hello Pumpkin. Hello Pumpkin." I guess, that will have to do.


MEANWHILE BACK IN 2010 . . .

Same puppy, different year. She is still as random as ever. We were at Aldi the other day and she was off the wall. She was pushing the cart, climbing on shelves. Just acting nuts. Then she stops what she's doing, becomes all calm and controlled and says to woman next to us. "I really like your hair." The lady thanks her and then she's crawling the walls again

Keith Time: Amy Remembers Keith Part II